After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
