In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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