So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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