During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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