So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
