so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
