Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Pants are for mortals
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
