All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
