cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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