White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
