doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
