So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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