I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My ass is underappreciated
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
