I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
