Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
