Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
