i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
