i just wanna soil my oats bro
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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