Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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