it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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