Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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