community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
