At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
