He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
