We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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