Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
