my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she looked like the before picture.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
