I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
