Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
