He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
