so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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