I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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