John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm too high and old for this...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
