This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
