I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
