Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
