How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
