Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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