Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
