Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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