I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
