You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
