Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
