Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
