I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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