Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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