Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
