So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
