Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
