Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
