The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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